End of June

Back from my Tioman Island trip… this is the first blog from me after the trip, but unfortunately this blog has nothing to do with the trip. The blog regarding the trip will be post next time.

Back to the topic, my holiday officially ended after the trip. What awaits me is a dinner with friends and family, and then it’s time for me to fly back to Sabah to continue my third year study of my mechanical engineering course. Thinking back those days during this holiday, I wonder what had I done and what had I achieved so far…

Starting the holiday with an exhausting body, hoping to gain some rest in mind and soul… well, I did able to let my body and mind rest enough. I’d been planning to finish my story writing, it’s almost done, but not yet completed. All the Gundam models that I wish to own had already become part of my collection. Planned to learn how to ride a motorbike this holiday and I somehow manage to know the basic of it, still I need a lot more practice when I’m back at Sabah before I’m able to get myself a license. I’d been hoping that I’ll be able to figure out all the problems and troubles I’d been facing so far, but sadly I didn’t manage to solve any of them… I wonder did I fail to do so, or did I just avoid and neglect them just like that… a lot of things are running in my mind during the long journey home from my trip. I wonder will everything be alright… I’d feel like I’m a total stranger to myself recently… not like those days where I can really define who I am and what I’m up to. But now, I’m totally lost and feeling miserable.

All that I can do is just hope and pray… for the day where things will become better. But I know it from the bottom of my heart that things will never turn good unless I work for it. Sometime things are easy to say but hard to work out. Wonder what I’m up to… wonder what I’m trying to say here… wonder what is going on with me… wonder why I’m acting as someone else… wonder why I’m hurting people around me… wonder why I’m keep on wondering and wondering as things still keep as it is…

Frustrated as I am, after a one and a half month holiday, these are the things I achieved and things that I’d failed to reach. In the end, I’m starting my new semester of study with the same-old-useless-hopeless own self…