29 January 2010

昨夜，失眠了。

为什么呢？

也许是因为操劳着整理我的电脑...

也许是因为昨天是比较特别的日子...

因为一些意外，大部分在硬盘里的东西都失去了

失去了喜爱的歌曲，失去了一些影片，失去了许多的照片

也许这是件好事？

或许是时候放下过去...忘记过去...

可笑的是，结果的我或许还是会有些心痛吧...

失去的影片...没看就算了

失去的歌曲...很可惜啊...很多都很难再找回了...

失去了一些我很喜欢的图片...已经找不回了吧...

还有...失去了许多收集至今的照片

没有了他们，那回忆...还会残存在我的脑海里吗？

如果就此忘记，那真的好吗？

这些难道真的是天意吗？

想着，想着...

加上昨天比较特别...犹豫着，迟疑着...

结果还是没有勇气办到...我...太没用了

最后就这样...失眠了

今天的我...能够入眠吗？

还不知道呢...尽力抢救着仅剩的质料和数据

还刻意弄得自己疲惫不堪...我...到底在想什么...

也许...今夜的我...也会失眠呢...

Alone...

Scared of being alone...

Afraid of being all by myself...

But sadly...

Now I am all alone...

All by myself...

Don't want to be alone...

Hate to be all by myself...

But ironically...

Maybe I should be glad that I'm all alone...

Maybe I should be happy that I'm all by myself...

As I won't be able to hurt anyone else...

Will not harm anyone else...

Will not make anyone sad this way...

Will not bring any troubles to others...

Will not break someone's heart or feelings...

Even though I'll be the one hurting alone here...

Harming myself here...

Feeling sad myself here...

As long as I'm the only one that bares it...

Well... maybe this will be better for everyone else...

If that is the case...

The just let me be all by myself here...

All alone here...

Sad by myself here...

Cry all alone here...

Kanon 2006

Watched this anime recently... another great production by KEY workshop... before this series there was AIR... after this series there was the CLANNAD series... all with touching stories... very nice plotting and very nice scene.

Storyline:

Yuichi Aizawa returns to this city after seven years. In his childhood, he often visited it, but something happend in the past which caused him to block out his memories of the events of seven years ago. On the day after he gets settled in, he meets a girl carrying a backpack with wings on it. Her name is Tsukimiya Ayu and he begins to recall the memories he had lost...

A little bit confuse and wondering what is the story talking about at the very beginning... but slowly when the story unfolds... everything become clear and touches deep into my heart... a story about love... a story about promise... a story about friendship... a story about believe... a story about dream... looking forward for more great anime from KEY production...

借酒消愁

借酒消愁。对，一个大家都那么熟悉的词句。

从小到大，看戏看多了，自然都知道每当人感到烦恼，感到忧愁时，自然就会去借酒消愁。

以前的我，觉得为什么人会那么做…百思不得其解。

但是，渐渐的，我发现自己也有着借酒消愁的欲望，冲动，念头。

感觉上很奇怪，对酒没有特别喜爱，但是为什么…也许这是人类天生的习性？

要是买醉过后真的能够一了百了，那有多好啊…

现在的我，也是很想一醉解千愁啊…

Movies I watched recently...

Well, when was the last time I post any review on movie? Haha… well, really nothing much to review about as not much great movie I had watched… and I haven’t really watch many movies at all because I’m just too busy… anyway, recently I’d watched a few movies… not to say that these movies are great, but I would say it’s very meaningful and touching to certain extent…

The Time Traveler’s Wife

This is a story about a guy who can time travel, but he is unable to control it. He will time travel all of a sudden… to places and time where he can’t control as well… this seems to bother him, but through the time travelling, he fall in love with a girl… the girl decided to marry him, but soon the stress of being with a husband that can disappear all of a sudden strikes her… and the sad thing is whenever she pregnant… the baby will just time travel away… leaving them behind…

A meaningful and touching story, about how people coupe with their miserable life…

The Road

This story happens when the world is getting to its end. There is no more civilization in the world. Buildings fallen… uncertain weather… earthquake… only little human are still surviving… and there are people who will do anything just for survival, such as killing other human and eat them… while there are some who try to survive as the good guy, no matter what happen… the story goes on with a man and his son, travelling through the deserted world, looking for food, looking for shelter… looking for chances of survival…

A meaningful story about how a father protects his son from the world’s end until the very end…

Crossing Over

This is a series of stories about different people who are living in America. People from different country, different races, but with one aim… to survive in the harsh living environment of America, and to obtain a Green Card for permanent residence. There is a man from Australia, pretend himself as a religion worker in order to get approval for the green card; there is a lady, who sleep with the officer in exchange of the green card; there is a lady who work in a factory without permit, died on her journey of being transported back to Mexico; there is a Korea teenager who committing crime during the day before he is awarded the green card, and there is a Muslim girl who is suspected as a terrorist being chase out of America…

A very sad reality story about people who crossing the border line to another country in search for hopes and dreams… some succeeded, but many had failed…

Well, all of these movies are not action movie at all… don’t expect any great scenes from them. They are just a slow moving story that needs some patient from you in order to watch it carefully and digest all the meaning hidden within… hope you guys like it too!

雨

雨水，下了几天

老天爷怎么啦？哭得那么厉害...

我，喜欢雨天吗？

认真的想想...

喜欢那凉快的感觉

喜欢听那雨滴的声音

但是却讨厌那湿嗒嗒的感觉

最重要的是...

雨天，总会让我的心情也跟着下起雨来

渐渐的变得低落

渐渐的被雨水给冲淡，冲散

那雨水的冰冷，那雨水的寂寒...

心，渐渐的变得无助

渐渐的开始颤抖

想起从前...

想起过往...

想着现在...

想着未来...

思绪开始在这寒冷的夜里动摇

心理开始在这悲凄的夜里变得浮躁

眼角开始在这下雨的夜里满溢...

雨天

让我又爱又恨

雨水

让我洗涤心境

雨声

让我侧耳倾听

这场下了三天的雨水到底何时才会停下...

people...

It's been awhile since my last update... well, seems like this had become the usual starting phrase in my post ^^ anyway, kind of busy recently... and don't really have the mood to do anythings as well... tired... stressed... boring... many feelings... mostly negative some more... sigh... what the hell had went wrong...

People are still relaxing and having their sweet time while I'm busy and rushing my Final Year Project... let them be... they will be the one rushing soon...

People keep on going out and having fun... so call last semester and must fully enjoy... Well, no comment... sometime really need to rest my mind... but not as frequent as what they did... I'm not rich at all... need to start save some money for my future...

People keep on complaining this and that... well actually all they need to do is just use their brain and think... think for others... think from others point of view...

People keep on say group work is good... honestly I hate group work because it means everyone is expecting others to do the job... in the end I'm the only one who complete everything... end up as group work = individual work...

Getting kind of emotional recently... thinking about a lot of things... past... present... and future... wonder why can't stop thinking about anything as others did... well, I guess that's what differ me from the others I guess... sigh...

1st week back in Sabah

My first week back here... starts with a whole lot of excitement... but ends up with a bunch of frustration...

Classes had finally started normally... just hope everything will be fine... so far so good... let's see what I can do this semester. Another thing will be the final year project, which is also the main thing for me this semester... hardness test has been repeated for many times and yet I still need to repeat myself to do it again... well, never mind... what to do? I have to get the result I want, no choice. But it is really tiring... because have to entertain many people... not just my supervisor only, but many other people... sigh... just hope it ends soon... although everyone still lazy with their project, doesn't mean I can stay still like them too.

Just hope no problem in my project as so far there's already enough problem from every single aspects... damn it... that's why I hate doing things like this...

Finally begins... my last journey

New hair cut...

New shirts...

New pants...

New pencil case...

New spectacles...

New water bottle...

New watch...

All these are not important...

What most important is...

A WHOLE NEW ME...

To tackle new challenges ahead...

To tackle new problems ahead...

To tackle new troubles ahead...

To tackle new enemies ahead...

And most importantly...

To tackle myself...

To keep on evolving...

To keep on changing...

To a better a more complete me in years to come!

First day of 2010

A whole new beginning of a whole new year... it's already... the 24th New Year in my life... special feeling? Well, not really, every year it is almost the same old story over and over again.

A little flash back... what had really happened in 2009... what I have encountered... what I have lost... what I have gained... just realize I have a short term memory... but will try my best to recall them all...

Beginning of the year... yup, still busy with all sorts of my club's activities and stuffs... tiring but enjoying it as well... then follow by the semester break where I have to go for industrial training... it was such a nice moment... tiring though... but yet again it is memorable and enjoyable by knowing so many new people in my life... they are kind and warm hearted... follow by new semester of my final year... mainly will be troubles with studies and my final year project... well, don't really know is it really progressing well or not. Whatever it is, I'd yet again survive through the harsh time... almost forgot about the convocation of all my friends... having a great time with you all... then follow by my sister's wedding as a closing to my year of 2009.

Deeper in... have I grow even stronger for the past whole year? Have I turned into a better person? A more complete one? I can't really answer that, so I'll just leave it to you guys to decide, but surely I know I'd changed... doesn't matter is it major or minor, as long as it is change for the good then it should be fine... having problems in organizing relation for the past whole year... be it any type of relation... oh boy, what's wrong with me? A lot had happened and many things are bothering me in this area... yes, ARE bothering me... not WERE... sigh...

Anyway, sorry for anyone who I had offended last year... hope I can beg for your forgiveness and sincerity. I will try my best to make up for what I'd done. Sorry for my club members for being totally in "hibernating" state for the past whole semester as I'm too busy with my study and projects... hope I can give them a hand this year...

As for my hopes and wishes... of course I'm aiming to graduate successfully, follow by getting a job successfully and starting to live my independent life successfully. No longer a young boy who can ask to rely on others anymore. This time around, I'm really have to change and grow strong. Just hope things will turn slightly better this year... well, just HOPE around won't change anything, I know... have to WORK for it instead...

Wonder what awaits me in 2010... but whatever it is, I'm ready to tackle it... maybe I won't do it perfectly... but I'll do whatever I can... let's hope for a great year of 2010 ahead... Good luck everyone!