Big City

入夜，累…但是没什么睡意。

最近都在忙，忙着工作…虽然只是实习的生活，但是和真正工作没两样。有做不完的project在等着被处理，最近忙着设计一个jig给公司用…花费很多时间去想和画出来。然后还要写testing procedure…其实可以在工作时间做这些，然后让别人去做testing的，但是想要学得更多的东西，所以选择了白天忙着替group里的engineer做testing，回到家就忙着我的两份project。可以说是天天在OT那样。

星期五晚上，约了朋友去聚聚。到酒吧小喝一杯，聊聊天，看乐队表演。感觉难得能够放松一下…但是明天睡醒还是得继续赶我的project…离开酒吧时已经十二点半，入夜的城市，依然在喧闹着，好像不夜城一般。缓缓的驾驶着，载送朋友回家。享受着那种感觉…一种莫名的感觉，有些令我放松却略显悲凄的感觉。夜里的灯光仿佛是为我而点燃那样，寂静的时候，仿佛可以听见自己内心深处的话语。夜，原来可以是这样的…朋友说爱上了这种夜的感觉，也许我也和他一样吧…

忙了一天，手机响起。差点儿就忘记了，今天是星期六，晚上被朋友约了见面，旧朋友，好久不见了。忙的时候，真的什么都会被忘记掉…赶完report已经是晚上十点多了，迟到了！还好我并不是最迟的那个…和朋友聊着天，吹吹水…忙碌的疲惫渐渐缓和下来。喝完茶已经是一点钟，独自开着车，故意放慢了速度，在夜里行驶着。故意绕了一些路，拖延着回家的路程。我，也许已经恋上这种感觉。

夜里的寂静，夜里的漆黑，夜里的一点光明，夜里的那份孤寂。希望能就这样待下去，就这样陶醉着自己…离开那令我诸多困扰的白天，在黑夜里…继续沉淀自己…

Drunk myself

Just feel like want to drunk myself suddenly...
Want to drunk myself and no need think of anything...
Want to drunk myself and no need care of anything...
Want to drunk myself and no need worry of anything...
Never drunk before...
wonder will it really happen like that or not...
Just feel like want to drunk myself actually...

Half way through my internship

Had been really busy recently with all sorts of tests being delayed and urgently need to be settle as soon as possible… same time busy with the project assigned by my supervisor… almost nonstop working everyday… morning run test… at night draw the CAD drawing for my project… no more personal time… but wonder why… I didn’t feel hate or what… although it is very tiring…

A new trainee came… kinda surprise that there is still trainee entering this time around… is a guy from Nottingham University… well, hopefully his appearance can relief our tension a bit… anyway, almost complete my first DC motor project… but still working on another jig project… 2 weeks I didn’t get out from my house to other place already… just hope can get things done as soon as possible…

我…

身体停了下来，心，还在跳动着
节奏慢了下来，思绪，还是加速着
反反复复，折折腾腾，兜兜转转着
我，到底在烦恼些什么？

想着一些从来没想过的可能
思考着一些从没愿意触碰的问题
考虑着一些令人迟疑的决定
假设着可能发生的一切未来

我，变了吗？也许吧…
我，累了吗？也许吧…
我，错了吗？也许吧…
我，乱了吗？也许吧…

也许已经察觉在这样下去并不是办法
也许已经发现到自己的弱小与无能
也许已经感觉到未来已变得渐渐黑暗
也许已经感受到自己已经无能为力

不想作出鲁莽的决定
唯有独自在这左思右想
结果还是无法把问题解决
最后只会伤害到身边所有人

看来必须下个决定
无论最后结果怎样
只能抬起头向前走
直到最后…永不后悔…

隐形的翅膀

每个人都有一双翅膀
一双隐性的翅膀…
一双能够让人从孤单中坚强的翅膀
一双能够让人飞向希望的翅膀

我知道我一直有双隐形的翅膀
但是却迟疑着而不敢张开
梦想，已经被闭锁在尘封的记忆里
现实，已经让我变成了折翼天使

张开翅膀的人
有的飞向了远方
有的摔倒在地上
有的遍体鳞伤…

我…应该张开我那隐形的翅膀吗？
害怕着，犹疑着，挣扎着
看着展翅的人一个接一个…
而我仍然还在这…静静的…等待着…

天堂

这世界真的有天堂吗？
天堂真的是在天上吗？
我们其实一直都被误导着
从小就被灌输着“天堂在天上，住着天使”

我们都没见过天堂
但是却相信着只要多做善事
死后就会上天堂去
这算是什么信仰啊？

感觉就好像用“天堂”来束缚着我们
天堂是好的，完美的
去不到就得下地狱
就这样强迫着我们别做坏事

我认为天堂离我们并不远
我认为天堂并不是死后世界
我认为天堂不是雪白一片
我认为天堂并不是天使的家乡

天堂，就存在在我们的这个时间与空间里
天堂，就淹没在茫茫的人海之中
天堂，是我们的国度，是我们的家乡
天堂，就在我们的身边，就在我们的眼前

所以…何必寻找所谓的天堂？

天堂也许听起来相当遥远
但是其实只是咫尺之遥
只要我们能够用心去感应
我们一定都能够遇见…

彼此朝思梦想的…那一片天堂…

我不是真正的快乐

人群前笑着
只想时间快些结束在此刻
在这世界合群的笑着
仿佛就像一种生存的规则

人群后哭着
仍想时间快些结束在此刻
已经害怕梦和心疼了
静静紧握甜美回忆抽泣着

我不是真正的快乐
我的笑只是迎合大家的装色
想让自己染上透明的颜色
在茫茫人海中轻轻的消逝着

把我的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳
含着眼泪 飘飘盪盪 跌跌撞撞 的走着
伤...从不肯完全的癒合
也许只能抱着遗憾一直到老了

逃避一切的苟且活着...

雨天

谁能体谅，我的雨天...
谁能明白，我的雨天...
谁能了解，我的雨天...
谁能分担，我的雨天...

雨天，总让人情绪变得低落下来。
也许人的心情会被地心引力吸引着的雨水冲得直落而下。
雨天，出现在乌云密布的天空后
雨天，可以毫无预警的突然袭来

虽然雨水的声音有些吵杂
但是总夹带着一丝丝的悲伤
让人听着也会沉淀下来
开始陶醉在这雨水落下瞬间的回音

希望大雨能够让我清醒过来
希望大雨能够洗涤我的过去
希望大雨能够冲淡我的思绪
希望大雨能够带来更清新的未来...

Am I living myself in this city?

The earth spins around the sun 365 days per round...
The earth spins by itself 24 hours per round...
The city spins... at it own pace too...
How fast do I spin relative to where I am now?

Sometimes I wonder...
Am I too slow in catching the pace of this fast growing and changing city
Sometimes I wonder...
Am I too fast until overtook the pace of the changes and growth of the city

It's hard to survive, to live, to hold on in this city alone...
Shall I really stressing myself to keep up the pace?
Wouldn't it be fine for me to keep my own pace?
Don't you think sometime we should slow ourselves down to recharge our energy?

Sigh... maybe I'm just thinking too much recently...
It's Friday night... and I don't have the mood to do anything at all...
Just feel like wanna lay down and let the time past by... until I die...
Exhausted? Kind of... mentally... spiritually... and a bit of physically too...

Hoping that things will turn better soon...
Hoping that miracle will strike on me at least once...
Hoping that I can live my life a little stronger...
Hoping that everything will come to an end...

Darkest year in my life

A new beginning with a very bad start... this year is really the darkest year in my life so far... sigh...

A new beginning...

Ironic as it may be... only able to grab some free time to breath when I'm sick and stay home without going to work... flu and fever... luckily it isn't H1N1... worried that will be quarantined when visit the clinic... luckily it is just ordinary flu... anyway, my mom didn't even bring me to go and see doctor... instead ask me, a sick people to drive myself for medication... T.T sad as it is...

Feeling slightly better, nothing much to do... found out this template and quite like it myself, so changed my blog template... kinda like the feeling of this template. Me, living in this city... working my ass everyday... emotionally & spiritually unbalanced life... searching for some breakthrough in order for me to move forward in my life... tired...

Fall in love with Friday night... is a night where I can really release my stress, relax my mind... grabbing some moments for me to throw away all my burden... probably just sitting at the bar, having a beer and things will slowly settle down... even though problems will still exist once I wake up the next morning, but at least... one night of peaceful is already more than enough to me...

Should be able to recover by today and return to work by tomorrow... hope it will be a new me to start a new journey in my life... hope all the problems and troubles that bump into me will disappear soon... hope all the question in my head will be answered soon... hope my life will evolve to a better rather than worse... til then... cheers!

22nd day of internship

MC today... stay home rest only... feel kind of sorry because today still got some major things need to take care actually... sigh... just hope I'll be back on Wednesday...

21st day of internship

Today din do much... finally settle the testing for the SLY unit for different motor and different bracket and the result is promising... today sick... fever and like wanna flu... maybe is infected by H1N1 already... farewell everyone... burn some Gundam for me so I can fix them in the other world...

mad mad world

It’s weird… isn’t it?

You can see people having sports… while smoking when they take a short break…
You can see adult riding a bike with helmet… while the child wears nothing at all…
You can see people driving slowly… but insist to stay in the fast lane…
You can see people teasing others fat… while he/she is also among the fats…

The world is going crazy…

20th day of intership

4 weeks already... so fast... today continue to test and evaluate the difference between motor and motor bracket of OYL spec and Daikin spec... face some problem here and there and troubleshoot it together with Joseph... noon I nap awhile when waiting for Joseph to come back to the lab when he went to meet supplier... hehe... nap awhile only... tired... nothing to do, when free people will become lazy... anyway, today result not so promising... hope next week can get some breakthrough... later tonight go enjoy myself... must relax after whole week of work...

19th day of internship

Today didn't do the short circuit test also... because a new motor arrived and awaits to be evaluate urgently... so today setup the same unit to compare the characteristic and difference of a new AC motor and the old DC motor used in the same unit... only half way done with the testing, tomorrow will schedule some more test after we evaluate the result we obtain today... today OT 1 hour to get the result wanted... but I don really mind about that, rather they all like very scare to make me OT... keep on like chase me away... hehe... my eye a bit blue black today... seems like my eye sight is ok, but when look at shine or bright thing eye will feel pain... hope this is just something normal and will recover in a few days... sigh...

18th day of internship

Today didn't do the short circuit test... today because got some urgent thing need settle, so end up helping Joseph build a new cage to protect the start stop test area... the test is urgent and need to settle fast... then after that is already 4pm... which means not enough time to do the short circuit test... so tomorrow only do... then night play badminton with colleague... then injured my eye... some one smash me at my eye... donno now ok or not... seems nothing la although painful... so c how 1st...

17th day of internship

Today morning busy mock up for the MSY unit, got new grille to test because the previous design failed the finger proof test. So whole morning I busy prepare the new prototype grille for testing, then mock up the chamber and start testing after lunch... then after that nothing to do already... tomorrow will need to do a short circuit test... hope it will go smooth...

16th day of internship

My supervisor is on holiday for 2 weeks... hehe... anyway, still got a lot work to do. Today is the 1st day of every month, and there will be a morning assembly for everyone in OYL, listen to the General Manager speech... a Japanese... then do some stupid things there and wasted whole morning. After that help Khai Shin to mock up her unit... then help Joseph to deliver the balancing shaft to the production line for checking and inspection, after that continue to help Khai Shin to test her Daikin Super Inverter unit... then today OT because need help them inspect the dimension of a wall mount motor... busy busy...