6th of May

Again, there's no song for today, only cries and tears from people of Malaysia. I have always been neutral about politic, and so am I going to continue be. This will probably be my last post about my thoughts of my first (and probably last) general election voting experience.

I belive most of the Malaysian are dying for a change, and they are expecting for a change to come this time around. Honestly, I have never thought of the opposition will win this time, the most they can do is closing the gap and that's it. The outcome is more or less as what I have predicted. And the following things that happened is also just as what I have predicted... People start to call for help from the USA and even the Queen from UK... If we Malaysian are not helping ourselves, are you going to expect others to help you out?

So whether or not the result is legit, I don't really want to debate into that, as I don't know the whole story, so I choose not to comment. But for things that I know and I saw by myself, it really disappoints me. The way the election been carried out, I wouldn't believe this same process has been done for the past 12 times, as the way it operates really doesn't shows any system and discipline. This is the place where I was born, the place I have stayed for the past 27 years, and the place which has independency for the past 56 years, and I really couldn't believe that after such a long way we come, we are still like heading no where.

I can't see a future here, and I can't imagine my future here, which is a very sad thing to happen. I almost didn't sleep for the whole night, thinking about is this really how I would end my life. Something is clear though, I have made up my mind that I'll not be having any children even after I'm married. Honestly, I don't want to send a child to this world having the need to worry about him or her being kidnapped, raped, robbed or killed everyday. I don't want to bring a life to this world and make him or her to suffer what I have suffered.

I love my country, so much that the pain it generates from the love is killing me. I'm seriously looking for a way out, once and for all. Leaving the country is an option, be it for you to call me for running away from the problem but not solving it. When your heart is dead, it will never come to life again. Staying and continue to fight is another option, but how long can I continue to stand and fight, I wonder...

Sorry my beloved Malaysia, I have tried, maybe not tried my best, and maybe not tried hard enough. Sorry for the pain you are enduring now, as I am enduring the same with you for all my life. I really hope that one day I can stand proud to tell everyone I'm a Malaysian, as for now... I'm still fighting to make this dream come true...