最近的自己。

最近的自己，感觉上仿佛有些过于急躁
也许是在新环境下的不安
也许是对未来的不知所措
也许是急于证明自己的决定是对的
也许是希望能够尽快安顿下来然后习惯这里的生活
也许我应该暂时放缓自己的步伐
让自己慢慢调整回来后才全力冲刺
希望一切会慢慢的好转吧...

Moving on

Last day, last night, last dinner, last moment

On my bed, looking around my room
Wondering how many times do I need to say good bye to my beloved room
Over and over again

On my guitar, playing my last strum
Wondering how many times do I need to say good bye to my beloved guitar
Over and over again

Updated my blog's template to mark a new chapter of my life
Clear off almost every single things I can ever think about before leaving
I really have no idea about what is going to happen in the future
But still, I'll move on...

Sorry once again, and thank you all once again...

Packing up for departure

Packing my stuff in order to move to Singapore and start my new life...
Surprisingly get everything done in just an hour time...
Maybe I'm just too used to packing up stuff...
Not sure it is some good skill that should be proud of...
Ever since young, been traveling here and there for day trips and packing...
Follow by studying in Sabah, more packing to do...
Then back to KL after finish study... more packing...
And 1 year stay in Dubai... even more packing...
Finally back to KL and now to Singapore...
Not to mention those business trips in between...
Oh boy, feel like spent half of my life just packing and unpacking my luggage...
Just hope that I can really settle myself down soon...

Counting down the days...

Yes, currently am counting down the days before I head to Singapore to start my new working life there. These few days I am busy in clearing some books I bought last year... Got to finish them as I don't plan to bring them over... Also clearing my last box of Gundam plastic model... Those are very old kit bought by my aunt long time ago and she didn't even open the box before, so she gave it to me and I got them all assembled up nicely. Since they are old model, the quality and the end product really differs a lot with the current generation of Gundam model selling in the market. Well, it was the past anyway, technology changes, design improved, so when building them, I just got this thinking in my head: when we look back our old days now, we will laugh at our stupidness, how silly we are back then, and thank god that we have improved now...

Indeed. Looking back my old self these few days, I get to see a lot of things. A lot mistake I have made, a lot of mess I have created, still I don't regret and will not want to change my past. These made who I am today, so live with it and make sure I'm doing better in the future, just that simple. Well, not that simple actually, but I'll try my best.

Leaving next Saturday. After clearing my debt, I really got nothing more in relation to my beloved country other than being a citizen. Without burden, without any other debt, and I shall leave with pride. Gotta finish those books these few days. Then have to clear off every last bit of left over and restart myself, hopefully as a new and better me...

失业中的我

这一个星期来，在家里都是无所事事
难得让自己懒一下
偶尔上网，偶尔看书，偶尔看电影
但大部分时候还是让脑袋在不停的转
想着许多的事情
六月的最后一个星期将会是我离开的时候
必须把该完成的完成，才能了无牵挂的离开
还有几本书打算把它们看完
还有几个模型也打算把它们砌完
当初定下的目标还有写作和摄影
那些得迟些才去完成了
其他还有一些手续要办，希望都能赶得及办好吧
剩下的两个星期，是时候停止懒散了。

言の葉の庭

新海诚的最新力作，再一次的令人感动。
一对男女，一对师生，他们之间的爱恨情仇，他们各自怀抱的梦想，他们各自承受的孤单，相互依偎，相互扶持，最后结果会是如何？
续“追逐星星的孩子”后，新海诚这一次回归了“秒速五厘米”的制作风格，简短明确的把他想表达的故事呈现出来。非常不错的一部动画，记得不容错过！

Jobless

4th of June, 2013. It's 1pm in the afternoon, and I'm staying home, lying on my bed with nothing much to do. When was the last time I have such a moment on the weekdays. Yes, long time ago, probably some days when I'm on leave, but even when I'm on leave, I'll have to check on emails and answering phone call from time to time. Today, I just got nothing to do, and I don't feel like doing anything either.

Yesterday was a little special and emotional to me, as it was my last day working in my company, a company I started working for since I graduated from University for the past 3 years. Time really flies by so soon that now I'm already 27 years old, standing in yet another junction where I need to make my decision for my life & for my future. 

People asking me whether I'm not happy with my current job. Well, a little, you can't find a job which you can completely satisfy anyway. People are wondering why I'm leaving, and everyone is giving this "surprised" kind of look on their face. I wonder do they expect a person to start working for a company until the day he or she retired. It's not that my current job is not good, it's not that my current pay is low, it's not that my company is treating me bad. It's just me, I have made a bold decision for my life and I'd decided to take on the road not taken. It's that simple.

Some may say that be grateful of what you have now and live your life with what you are given with. I would really like to try living a life style like this, but will I be happy with myself? Maybe not. I'm just not the kind of person that will feel comfortable staying in the comfort zone. Maybe I'm just too young to get myself tied up. There's a whole world out there, it will be a waste if I choose not to explore it right now when I'm still able to do so. I want to test my limit. I want to go beyond the horizon. I want to continue demanding and challenging myself, so that I will continue to grow, to learn and to become a better person. 

And so, I have decided to leave my homeland once again. I know I had some bitter memories in Dubai, therefore this time around I'm heading to somewhere closer to my home, Singapore. I'll try my luck and see if I can survive in this fast pace country, and I'll see how far can I evolve myself to coupe with all the changes in my life. I've spent a lot in renovating my current room, it's a bit of waste to leave it behind, but I know there are sacrifices that need to be made in order for me to move forward.

It's not about the money, it's not about the company, it's just about me who want to live my life to the fullest. I'm sorry if my selfish decision has brought any trouble or harm to anyone. Forgive me, and I wish to receive your blessing to build up my strength and courage to continue live on.

未来的路

经过重重波折，来到了这里
会在想是否是上天给我的指引，让我知难而退
还是上天想给我一个考验，以判定我的坚定心
无论这趟旅程的结果如何
看来我的心已定
这也许真的是唯一的出路吧
但愿一切顺利渡过。

6th of May

Again, there's no song for today, only cries and tears from people of Malaysia. I have always been neutral about politic, and so am I going to continue be. This will probably be my last post about my thoughts of my first (and probably last) general election voting experience.

I belive most of the Malaysian are dying for a change, and they are expecting for a change to come this time around. Honestly, I have never thought of the opposition will win this time, the most they can do is closing the gap and that's it. The outcome is more or less as what I have predicted. And the following things that happened is also just as what I have predicted... People start to call for help from the USA and even the Queen from UK... If we Malaysian are not helping ourselves, are you going to expect others to help you out?

So whether or not the result is legit, I don't really want to debate into that, as I don't know the whole story, so I choose not to comment. But for things that I know and I saw by myself, it really disappoints me. The way the election been carried out, I wouldn't believe this same process has been done for the past 12 times, as the way it operates really doesn't shows any system and discipline. This is the place where I was born, the place I have stayed for the past 27 years, and the place which has independency for the past 56 years, and I really couldn't believe that after such a long way we come, we are still like heading no where.

I can't see a future here, and I can't imagine my future here, which is a very sad thing to happen. I almost didn't sleep for the whole night, thinking about is this really how I would end my life. Something is clear though, I have made up my mind that I'll not be having any children even after I'm married. Honestly, I don't want to send a child to this world having the need to worry about him or her being kidnapped, raped, robbed or killed everyday. I don't want to bring a life to this world and make him or her to suffer what I have suffered.

I love my country, so much that the pain it generates from the love is killing me. I'm seriously looking for a way out, once and for all. Leaving the country is an option, be it for you to call me for running away from the problem but not solving it. When your heart is dead, it will never come to life again. Staying and continue to fight is another option, but how long can I continue to stand and fight, I wonder...

Sorry my beloved Malaysia, I have tried, maybe not tried my best, and maybe not tried hard enough. Sorry for the pain you are enduring now, as I am enduring the same with you for all my life. I really hope that one day I can stand proud to tell everyone I'm a Malaysian, as for now... I'm still fighting to make this dream come true...

5th of May

No, there's no song for 5th of May, but there's a whole lot of emotion coming inside of me. Today will be the day for Malaysia's 13th General Election for our coming state and country parliament candidates,  and I'll be one of them who are going to cast my vote later on.

Honestly, I really have no idea which side to vote for, whether the current government or the opposition. For me, it doesn't really matter, as either side has shown their good and bad, in ends up as a selection of the less evil among the evils, which sound like a little meaningless to me at the very beginning. I have thought of not casting this meaningless vote. But after deeper thoughts, I have decided to proceed to the polling station later to execute my duty as a Malaysian.

This will probably be the first and my last vote for my beloved country, so I have to really make this count. There has been all sorts of news, bad news, regarding this election day. We, the helpless citizen, what can we actually do to stop those evils if things really turn to the worst during the election process, I wonder. I hate politics for my whole life, none of the politicians can be trusted, this is what I managed to learn thus far, but at the same time I do learnt that there are still hope for Malaysia, because we, the Malaysians, doesn't matter you are Chinese, Indian or Malays, share the same feeling of love to our country.

I'm seriously thinking about my future, and I believe I will be able to see it after this election. It doesn't really matter to me who will win in the end, but is the whole process that matters, which will either make my love to my country to grow deeper, or tear my heart apart until I'm totally giving up on her.

1 more hour to go. Finger crossed, sending my prayer and wishes to my beloved country. Be strong, as you have been for the past 55 years, may God gives you strength to sail through the coming waves. Take care and all the best for those who are casting your vote today.